Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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