I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
