I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
