oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
