Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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