and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
