Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
