thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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