so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
