I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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