This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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