Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
