My sheets look like a crime scene.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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