i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
