By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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