My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
