Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
