I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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