Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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