I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
