Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
