I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
