non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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