dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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