How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
