I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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