his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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