the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
