And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
