I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
