if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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