just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
