ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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