You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
