The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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