He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
