everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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