well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
