ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
