I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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