I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
