I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
