I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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