I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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