My room smells like vodka and shame
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
