apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
