: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
