A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
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You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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