Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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