Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude i'm inner monologue high
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
