I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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