Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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