The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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