i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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