i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
