Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
