dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
