p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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