Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
