hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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