i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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