You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
