He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
