i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She even gives head with a lisp.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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