What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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