well you can't waste a boner
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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