Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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