he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
