She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
