I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
