I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
