did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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