Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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