you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
