I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize