Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
