then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
