just come out here and I will go home with you...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
