her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize