Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
wow bdsm is so cute
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
