oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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