i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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