If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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