I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
